HUANG Hui-chen
Every morning, my mother wakes up well before me, prepares my lunch, and takes off. Every evening, after eating out, my mom comes home, washes up, closes her bedroom door, and is asleep by 9PM. We live in the same space, my mother and I. But for decades now, we are like strangers under one roof. The only exchanges are the meals she cooks and leaves for me on our dining room table. No hellos, no goodbyes, and no ¡°I love you.¡± Silence permeates our house as I watch her, knowing that beneath the deafening silence lies a secret that weighs heavily on her, keeping her from speaking; knowing that behind her tightly pursed lips is a shame so overbearing that it suffocates her. One day, I finally summoned up the courage to sit her down and make her talk. My camera becomes a gateway and a tool in prying open the Pandora¡¯s box and capturing my mother¡¯s secrets. But am I ready to hear what she has to say? Are we ready to face what¡¯s been buried for so long?
As a filmmaker, I¡¯ve always told the stories of the marginalized, powerless, or underrepresented. I feel their pain, their suffering, their powerlessness, and their frustrations because those have also been my experiences. When it comes to my own story, I haven¡¯t had the courage or strength to utter a sound, because exposing myself is hard, asking if I¡¯m loved is harder, and facing the truth is the hardest.
But I can no longer use my fears as an excuse because my role has evolved. Now that I¡¯m a mother myself, I see my mom with a different perspective. And that new perspective forces me to reckon with my past and face my fears. I hope that this process can help both myself and my mother walk out of the shadows and away from the pain that has plagued us for so long.
Having dropped out of school at age ten, cinema became Huang Hui-chen¡¯s window to the world and her voice to speak to it. Her debut feature documentary, Small Talk, took home the Teddy Award at the 2017 Berlinale along with several other international accolades. She is currently producing her second feature-length documentary, LOMÁ.